November 23, 2011
Greetings, friends! May I address
A selection process thatís a mess,
And the candidates involved
Who pledge to get our problems solved?
Theyíre from the right, thatís very clear.
Thatís why their stock in trade is fear.
They talk about the deficit,
But donít say they created it.
They all say taxes are just bad,
Donít take from rich folks what theyíve had.
Just starve the poor and middle-class.
Who cares if the wealth gap is so vast?
Letís start with Mitt, the man of Romney,
Heís the one who seems least balmy,
Until you look into his eyes
And see he wants to euthanize
Obamaís national health care plan.
He badly wants to have it banned.
Forget he gave us one just like it.
Now he only wants to spike it.
Heís a shifty guy, that Mitt from Bain,
His position switchin' makes it plain,
His beliefs aren't very firmly held.
That makes it difficult to tell
What's going on inside his head.
Is his inner statehood blue or red?
That's why his presidential lust
Is greeted with so much mistrust.
Now letís turn our thoughts to Newt,
Who is so ethically astute.
That he doesnít see a problem
With the paychecks heís been gobbliní
From Freddie Mac, his former client,
Whose loans, alas, were non-compliant
With good sense and human reason.
Still, with Newt the skids theyíre greasiní.
The Gingrich Group, that august body,
It would never, ever lobby.
Consult me, Newton says. Just ask.
My brainís so big, I think so fast.
Iím smarter than the other folks.
Theyíre really puny little jokes.
And by the way, if Iím your neighbor,
Iíll sell your kids into forced labor.
As Newtís star rises, Bachmannís falls,
ĎCause she keeps hearing siren calls
From sources who donít know the facts.
Rumorís enough when she attacks.
Sheís very prone to loony beliefs.
Top among them, chief of chiefs,
Is that a simple vaccination
Can cause girls mental retardation.
And sheís not hot on gay lifestyles.
Sheís convinced that God reviles
Them, just like she and Marcus
Do, along with her entire caucus.
The Tea Party, Iím speaking of.
They only know one kind of love.
Men and women, thatís just great.
Everybody else they hate.
Meanwhile Herman Cain is hoping
Voters will forget his groping:
ďIt wasnít that they lit my fires.
All those women are just liars.
One was my wifeís very height.
Now sheís acting out of spite.
Going to unbridled lengths
To distract attention from my strengths.
Godfatherís Pizza, it succeeded
On my watch, and thatís conceded.
Business smarts, thatís all that counts.
I donít need that extra bounce
From knowing Libya and Uzbekistan
Might figure in the national plan.
My foreign policyís not really phony,
Itís just confined to pepperoni.Ē
Another hopeful, Rick Santorum,
Appears at each and every forum
That has the candidates debating.
Heís hoping to improve his rating.
Right now itís in the single digits,
Probably because he fidgets
On issues like Defense of Marriage
Which, just like the horse and carriage
Featured in the old-time song,
Suggests gay couples just donít belong.
Rick is strictly hetero,
He firmly believes itís better.
Oh, perish the alternative.
Loosened standards just might give
Rise to the kind of moral fog
That brings together man and dog.
Thereís also Mr. Huntsman, Jon.
He too canít quite get beyond
The lower numbers in the polling
This seems to show that heís not trolling
The shallow gene pools of the right
With positions calculated to incite
Resentment, fear and so much more.
The ďbase,Ē I fear, finds him a bore.
As Obamaís diplomat in China,
Huntsman was one who helped define
A policy short of confrontation
On trade and money valuation.
But so what? Let me repeat,
Jon doesnít serve up the red meat.
Thatís why his bidís all but forgotten.
The crazies think itís misbegotten.
Oh, God! Letís not forget Rick Perry,
Whom voters embraced and then were wary.
He went from job-creating guvínor
To a candidate who, for love nor
Money, could simply not remember
One agency he wanted to dismember.
Thereís Commerce, Education, now letís see,
What in the world is Number Three?
Help me out, he asked his rivals.
A lifeline, please, for my survival.
But no help came, and Perry droops.
It was, he said, a moment ďOops!Ē
Well, he still has his hair and grin
And his belief in D.C. sin.
But his Texas chain sawís out of gas
Since his brain flaw came to pass.
Then thereís dear old Ron Paul.
Heís also headed for a fall.
Too bad because in him you see
A kind of weird integrity.
He doesnít care what voters think.
He says his piece and doesnít blink.
That would all be very well
If Ayn Rand hadnít cast a spell
And made him individualistic,
A stance thatís really atavistic,
Harking back to Herbert Hoover,
Who, remember, was a mover
In leading staunch resistance
To all government assistance.
In the Depression folks were on their own.
The starving didnít even get a bone.
So now weíve met them, every one.
Isnít it a lot of fun
To see how they want to take us back
Into the past where life was just a sack
Of cherries? No safety net or regulation,
No health insurance or taxation.
Why build a just society?
That's freedom, a la G.O.P.
We all see how that worked before,
But who needs facts when there's folklore?
So say goodbye to the Party of Lincoln;
It's now the Party of Magical Thinkin'.